Did I Win?
* From “The A**HOLE’S Guide To Arguing (Or, How To Succeed In Politics)”
An old guy gets pulled over at a traffic stop.
“Sir, I just clocked you doing over eighty in the sixty zone.”
“Yes, you’re right . I’m eighty-five.”
“That’s not what I was saying. I was referring to the speed limit, not your age. Didn’t you see the sign back there? The one that says that the speed limit on this road is sixty?”
“No I didn’t see a sign. Have you lost one?”
“Sir, I’m gonna have to give you a ticket for speeding. And I’d also like to suggest that you get a new pair of glasses, and maybe adjust your hearing aid a little.”
“A ticket? Oh, you are too kind. Here, look at this ticket for me Agnes, and tell me – did I win?”
If the old guy does not pay the ticket, he could argue that he thought he had been given a lottery ticket, and that he did not understand that he was being penalised for speeding. That would be a case of the fallacy of ambiguity being used as a defence strategy.
One infamous instance of this type of defence, is this classic:
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.”
Bill Clinton later claimed that he had made the statement based upon a misunderstanding of the term ‘sexual relations’.
Apparently, he thought that the term only referred to the active party during sexual contact, and not the passive. So he could receive oral sex without having had ‘sexual relations’, but he could not give anyone oral sex.
Which is great news for all the desperate virgins out there that are trying to save themselves for marriage. As long as they just stay still, keep their hands and mouths to themselves and receive – they will not have had ‘sexual relations’ (according to Bill Clinton).
Sometimes though, ambiguity is simply a tool of confusion. If you confuse the opposition, they might not know how to respond to you. And that does not look good in a debate. Share on X
But if you are not careful, you could end up making yourself look bad instead.
One absolute goldmine of ambiguous and confusing quotes in politics, is George W. Bush. Some of them are so funny that I am almost sad he is no longer in office.
Almost.
Here are some nuggets:
“Too many OB/GYN’s aren’t able to practice their love with women all across the country.”
“For every fatal shooting, there are about 3 non-fatal shootings. Folks, this is unacceptable in America.”
“Well, I think if you say you’re going to do something and don’t do it, that’s trustworthiness.”
“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”
I could go on forever.
But it is time to stop beating Bush about, and get on with the next chapter.
© Merlyn Gabriel Miller
