Gender (Part 3)

Chapter from “Culture Is Not Your Friend: Sex, Death, Drugs & Madness”.

Why Do We Care About Gender?

“So, what is it?”

This is usually the first question people ask when someone has had a baby. To which the answer of course is, “It’s a giant panda!”

No, wait a minute….how about this:

“It is a brand new and vulnerable member of the human species. 
​To be loved, cherished, respected and cared for.”

How is that for an answer?

Do you really need to know what the kids’ genitals look like? Do you think that giving a newborn with a mini-wiener a pink fluffy bunny will somehow shrivel its package and render it useless? Make it GAY? Heaven forbid, right? No, must stick with blue for wieners, and pink for buns.

So why do we care about gender?

In the case of newborns it is a matter of knowing how to raise the new human. From day one we feel compelled to teach them how to act like their genitals, as if their life depends on it.

When it comes to adults and their genitals, we have other reasons for wanting to know what they are packing. We might look at someone and think,  

“Hey that—-person is attractive. Should I be attracted to that person? Do they have the correct genitals according to my beliefs about my own sexuality?”

Gay or straight, we do not want to find that we are attracted to the wrong person. 

​So we bury that attraction and pretend it is not there. Or in the case of homophobes and transphobic people – attack the ones we are actually attracted to because we can not stand the thought of having to redefine our sexuality and face the possibility that we may be living a lie.

When gender non-conforming people cross paths with sexually confused and repressed people, shit hits the fan. Share on X

Gendered Clothing

“Women wear what they want and so do I.” – Eddie Izzard

Where are the female transvestites?
That is what I would like to know. I have not seen any, have you?

Tell me, what is the first image that pops into your mind when I mention the word transvestite (apart from the Rocky Horror Show)?
Is it a man in a dress?
How about a woman in a suit?

Transvestite: A person that wears clothes traditionally associated with the opposite sex.

Maybe a hundred years ago a woman in a suit would raise some eyebrows, but not today. Not in the West. We are used to seeing women in trousers, a shirt and tie or a suit. As Eddie Izzard correctly pointed out, women wear what they want.

Men, however do not always have that luxury. If they try to break the gender boundary they could catch holy hell. If a woman wears a dress, high heels and make-up, men might compliment her and try to get a date with her. A man dressed this way could get beaten up by the same men and end up in hospital.

But to be fair, women can not always wear what they want either. They may be forced to use gender specific clothing in the workplace or at school.

Some schools in the US have come under heavy fire for imposing very strict dress codes upon their female students, sometimes shaming them or suspending them if they do not comply.

The reason behind these dress codes is usually that the girls are seen as a distraction to the boys. If the girls show too much skin, wear clothes that are too tight and so on, the boys may have a hard time focusing on their school work. And what a load of bollocks that is.

The distraction for an adolescent male is having a dick. When the hormones start doing their bit in preparing the male for adulthood and making them ready for reproduction, it does not matter whether naked women surround them, old matrons with moustaches, nuns, goats, donkeys, used cars, playstations – whatever.

The problem is having a dick. That thing demands attention. So unless you would like to propose castration, you have to expect young men to get a little weird and unfocused from time to time.

And for the record,

Schoolgirls are not distractions. They are students. Teach them something other than misogyny. Share on X

Gendered Work

Midwife, ombudsman, fireman and matron – these are gendered work titles, where traditionally a particular gender has been expected to fill the role.

Examples of titles where we have had expectations of gender, but where the titles themselves are neutral are doctor, nurse, pilot and flight attendant.

In some cases we have seen the need to specify which gender the particular worker has, and created job titles such as male nurse, male nanny, and actress instead actor. Or we have created different titles for the same job, depending on the gender of the person, such as tailor and seamstress, prostitute and gigolo.

The lack of gender diversity in the workplace, where one gender is more common than another, is often a result of traditional gender expectations.

The word nurse tends to evoke the picture of a woman in people’s minds and some are sceptical of male nurses, assuming them to be less caring and competent as the caring professions are traditionally associated with females.

Women may find that they have a hard time being judged as competent in jobs that are traditionally held by men, such as politician, firefighter or carpenter.

But why is this a problem?

If we culturally associate a job with one sex, it makes it more difficult for people of the opposite sex to get work in that field. Share on X

This is not only a problem for that particular person, but for society as a whole because our prejudices could lead us to limit our search for competent workers to only half of the available workforce.

Gendered Spaces

Maternity wards, gentlemen’s clubs, prisons, male and female sections of houses of worship – these are all examples of gendered spaces.

It could be that you will never set foot in any of these places, but there is one gendered space that you most likely will enter at some point: a public toilet. Which makes me wonder, why are we separating people who need to take a leak or change their kids’ diapers by gender?

Here is a surprising answer that comes up a lot. Apparently it is to protect the women and children – from men.

“Men could get weird ideas in there about the women.”

Yes, they could discover that women too suffer from flatulence and diarrhoea, trip over a tampon and be scarred for life.  

“If we don’t separate the sexes, women and children could become the targets of perverts.”

What kind of restrooms do you go to?

Do they have glory holes and nude pictures posted everywhere? Do they have phone numbers written on the walls along with uplifting messages such as, “Call me for a good time”, or “I swallow”?

Maybe YOU are the problem. If you equate going to the bathroom with sex and sexual perversion, you should see a therapist.The rest of us go in there to take a leak. Share on X

“But women’s restrooms are cleaner, I’d like to keep them that way.” 

Then put up a sign that says “please remain seated for the entire performance”. Men are capable of pissing while standing up, but that does not mean that they have to. Especially those who are unable to aim. They can take a seat, pick up a newspaper and relax, just like they do when taking a shit.

“But what about the kids?”

If you are a single parent with tits, you can take your mini-male offspring into either restroom and be fine. The men in the men’s room may blush a little, but they will survive and leave you and your toddler to do what you came in there to do. And obviously, if you take the mini-male into the ladies room, nobody gives a damn.

However, if you are a single parent with nuts you can forget about taking your little princess into the men’s room, because she does not want to go in there. Try to make her and she will scream her head off, and you – you bastard, will be branded as a paedophile.  

“What on Earth were you thinking, taking the little princess into the men’s room?” 

And taking her into the ladies room? Forget about it!  

“You pervert! The poor kid probably doesn’t even have to go. You just wanted to go in there yourself and you’re using the kid as an excuse.”

You can’t win, can you?

In some parts of the US, new laws have been created that force people to use the bathroom associated with the sex they were born with.

If you are a post-op male to female transsexual (MTF), this law could put you at greater risk of receiving unwanted sexual attention or experiencing transphobic violence.

And these laws do not only negatively affect transgendered people, but anyone who’s appearance does not fit the cultural gender stereotypes of male and female.

“So you’re a girl, huh? Let’s see about that. Flash us your titties. I want to make sure you’re not a perv trying to get into the girls bathroom.”

You could be a breast cancer survivor and be suspected of being male or a transgendered, and be asked to prove that you are a woman before being allowed to use the toilet.

All this supposedly to protect women and children from perverts. The only perverts I have seen so far are the ones making these insane laws and enforcing them. 

​So, how about trying this instead: An all gendered, family friendly bathroom, where everybody can take a shit, piss or change a diaper in peace – without being branded a perv? 

© Merlyn Gabriel Miller