Never Mind The Bollocks

* From “The A**HOLE’S Guide To Arguing (Or, How To Succeed In Politics)”

Whether you are seeking approval you suspect you may not get, or whether you are trying to stall progress on a matter, the misdirect with confusion strategy could be a winning one.

If you want to stall progress, convince people that the subject is too complex, too confusing, and so riddled with inconsistencies and unanswered questions that the only reasonable thing to do is to research it further. Share on X

“At present, I think it would be a bad idea to vote on this subject. There is too much at stake here for us to make a quick decision. There are too many inconsistencies, too many opposing points of view, and quite frankly – too many things that can go wrong. So the only prudent thing to do here, is to create a committee that can delve deeper into this matter and deliver an unbiased report that we can base our decision on.”

This could be a useful strategy when you know that the current vote is unlikely to yield the result that you want, and if you believe that the committee’s report will prove you right.

Or you could simply be using this tactic to buy yourself some time. Time you will be spending trying to influence people into accepting your point of view.

If you do make use of the misdirect with confusion strategy though, make sure that people do not end up assuming you are incompetent. Show them the results you have gotten so far, then hit them with confusion and wrap it up with an appeal.

“As you know, we have had some great successes in our past efforts to develop non-lethal weapons, such as the infrasound weapons and the Active Denial System. Success that I expect will continue with your support. Now, I’m not gonna stand here today and bore you with the complex details of our research. All the technical bits and bobs and science jargon. That’s much too confusing anyway.

But what is not confusing is this: we have the brains and the know-how to create non-lethal weapons that have the capacity to keep our men in uniform safe and win our battles, while at the same time reducing collateral damage. That we have already proven. But in order for us to continue this great work, we need your support. And that is why I am asking you to increase our research budget.”

And as soon as they approve your request, you can get on with your pet project – the homo-bomb.

No, I am not kidding. The US military did in fact research this as a potential non-lethal weapon.

The homo-bomb would contain an aphrodisiac that would make the enemy more interested in sex than fighting. Make them want to shoot their load, instead of their guns. Make love, not war.

And this is the reason why people use the misdirect with confusion tactic, because they realise that they will never get what they want by being direct. They know ‘that shit won’t fly’.

So remember, if they tell you it’s too complex, too confusing or too technical, they may just be trying to feed you a whole load of bollocks.

Do not swallow.

© Merlyn Gabriel Miller