Quora: About having kids and growing old
Q: People who choose not to have children, do they not think about old age?
A: I’ve never wanted children and I let people know that quite early. The questions that often pop up in connection with that say a lot about the prejudices people have with regards to partnerships and their expectations of how life should be lived.
- Who’s going to take care of you when you’re old?
(Not the kids, they’ll have their own lives to live. If you expect to raise servants instead of independent adults, get a decent pension plan instead, one that ensures that you can hire qualified help when needed.) - But what if your partner wants kids? Or your parents want grandchildren?
(Then they can breed them as well, with the help of someone willing, not someone guilted into submission or pressured to conform to meet expectations. No one owes you a child/grandchild. ) - You will never know true love until you have a child
(There is little doubt that children open your heart, but then so do pets and lovers, great art and music, a beautiful sunset…) - It’s selfish to not want kids
(Not wanting, as opposed to wanting something, is selfish? How does that compute? Kids don’t ask to be born, they usually tell you that once they reach their teens…at which point you might want to remember that you did want them.) - You don’t understand what responsibility is and you’re not really an adult until you have kids
(It’s the parents responsibility to raise the kids, not the other way around. Besides, if you look around you’ll find plenty of examples to show that this is not the case. People with or without kids can both be irresponsible.) - You’ll regret not having kids when you’re older
(Sure. And maybe you’ll regret having them? If you regret the latter, there isn’t much you can do about it. The kid is already there, a living breathing creature in need of care. If you don’t have any, but later regret it, there is always surrogacy, adoption and foster care to consider.)
Going against tradition can be lonely and the pressure to conform is enormous. Especially with regards to having children, as this is something that is accepted as the norm, something that is as natural as breathing.
To say “no thank you” to what others consider the greatest joy in life can also make those who have kids feel that you are rejecting them.
If they have doubts as to whether they made the right choice by having children, which is a ‘deadly sin‘ to which no parent will admit, then they might attack those who choose to remain childless. If you experience this, just know where it is coming from and don’t take it personally.
I can understand why you would rather say that you can’t have kids, instead of not wanting them. This is more acceptable, although you may be asked why you haven’t adopted or fostered a child instead.
