Quora: How to deal with complaining and negativity
Q: Whenever you hear people complain for no reason, do you keep your opinions to yourself, or, do you say something as a way to get them to stop?
A: First I try to steer the conversation away from the topic and onto something more pleasant.
If that doesn’t work, and they are stuck in ‘complaint mode’ I’ll try to help them see the silver lining.
Now, if that doesn’t work either, any excuse to leave (if not at home), or pick up the phone and call someone (if the complainer is in my house) may work.
Either I’ll get out of the complaint trap, or I’ll make them so curious that they’d rather talk about my phone call than complain.
If you are living with the person, it may not be that easy.
Once, I was in a relationship with someone who made a hobby of complaining, mostly about work. I’d offer my advice, try to talk them through it, show them the silver lining…the whole nine yards.
After about 2 years of this it became crystal clear to me, that my partner had no interest in bettering their circumstances, or even hearing my advice. They just wanted to complain and bleed me of sympathy.
At that point I looked him straight in the eye and said, “You are full of sh** and I am done listening to this.” He paused for a few seconds and looked at me as if I was a space alien, then he regained his usual composure and continued complaining.
Some people just want sympathy.
They are not interested in solutions or advice. They may ask for it, but not take it. It is just a way to keep the attention focused on them.
If you run into someone like this, don’t fall for it.
