Rape (Part 2)
Chapter from “Culture Is Not Your Friend: Sex, Death, Drugs & Madness”.
Can Rape Be Avoided?
Yes.
If you feel the irresistible urge to rape someone, call the police. They will either talk you out of it, or come get you and put you in a cell where your newfound friends will help you see the light.
Oh wait, that is not what you were looking for. You want the victim blaming section. The long list of helpful hints that supposedly will reduce the risk of becoming a victim. Such as, ‘don’t attend parties with strangers, don’t drink, don’t flirt, don’t dance, don’t walk anywhere alone, don’t take a cab alone, don’t wear skimpy outfits with your bits hanging out’ – that list. The one that indirectly tells you to wear a burqa and lock yourself up in the basement with a shotgun.
Sorry, fresh out. I had one of those lists lying around here somewhere, but then I ran out of toilet paper…
What all these ‘helpful hints’ are assuming, is that the person getting raped is doing something to attract rapists, which is utter BS. People do not get raped because they are sexy.
Women in burqas get raped. 90 year old women get raped. Toddlers get raped. Drooling, incontinent people in hospitals get raped. Rape is not about what you say, do, or look like. Rape is not caused by some irresistible sexual urge arising in the rapist at the sight of another’s hot body, and which compels them to stick their privates into places they should not. Like the private parts of unwilling people.
Rape is caused by rapists.
They are the ones who need to change their behaviour, not the victims.
Victim Blaming
Defence:“What were you wearing?”
Victim:“Prada, but he wasn’t trying to steal my dress, so I don’t see how that’s relevant.”
Defence:“But it was a very sexy dress, and he got the impression that you were out to get some.”
Victim:“Putting your goods on display in the window does not excuse burglary. It’s on show, not up for grabs.”
Defence:“Are you sure about that? We have witnesses that can testify that you are not that difficult to get into bed. You’ve had quite a few lovers, haven’t you?”
Victim:“And the Metropolitan Museum has had many visitors. So visiting the place after hours, when it is closed shouldn’t be a problem, is that what you are saying?”
Defence:“Well, not if they’ll allow it.”
Victim:“Exactly. If you have consent, then there is no problem. But he did not have my consent.”
This simple fact of rape being caused by rapists seems difficult for even law enforcement to understand. When victims of sexual assault come to them for help, the treatment they get may be experienced as a second assault. Share on X No wonder so many of them are afraid to report their rape to the police, knowing that they will be asked to answer all manner of degrading and invasive questions in a courtroom in front of strangers. And for what?
In the US, only 6 in 1000 rapists get convicted. That means 994 go free. Why would you want to put yourself through Hell, only to have the rapist walk away without as much as a slap on the wrist?
But this sad state is not limited to the US. How about this tragic headline from the UK:
“Saudi millionaire cleared of raping teenager after telling court he may have accidentally penetrated 18-year-old when he tripped and fell on her.”
Sounds like a joke doesn’t it?
But this is an actual news headline. This really happened.
What If…
What if we treated other victims of crime the way we treat rape victims?
Would that help shed some light on why this has to change?
Defence:“You said your house was burgled?”
Victim:“Yes. The guy broke into my house and stole the TV, the stereo and my laptop.”
Defence:“Are you sure he broke in? You didn’t leave a door open, or a window?”
Victim:“I think the upstairs bathroom window was open. But he couldn’t get in there anyway.”
Defence: “Maybe not. But can you see how that could be interpreted as an invitation? Come and grab my stuff? And I’ve heard from others that you’re a very generous man. You like to give things away.”
Victim:“I didn’t give that stuff away. It was taken from me.”
Defence: “But my client said you gave it to him. Sure this isn’t just some terrible misunderstanding? Take another look at the man before you answer. He’s a bright young man, with a great future ahead of him. If he gets convicted, that is really going to hurt his prospects later in life. So, I am going to ask you again, are you absolutely sure that you did not give him those things?”
Rape And Gender
Where does this idiotic notion come from that men can not be raped? And especially not by a female! No, that is just surprise sex. Besides, if you do not want to have sex you will be unable to get an erection, right? Wrong. Men can be raped. Not just by other men, but also by women.
Having an erection does not mean you are aroused or that you want to have sex. It may just be an involuntary physical reaction, such as morning wood. Even dead people get erections, and somehow I do not think that is a sign that the corpse is consenting to sex.
If a guy says he does not want to have sex and still has an erection, listen to what he is saying. He does not want to have sex. End of story. Share on X Forget the bullshit that your culture has fed you about male sexuality. That men are always ready and willing to have sex, and that as soon as you can get a man hard, you can just help yourself to his body.
“Who cares what he is saying, just read the body language. Anyway, men are stronger than women and if they do not want sex they can just throw you off.”
And when they do they can also get arrested for assault. And end up having that really fun conversation with the police, the one where they explain that a woman tried to rape them, and where the police try not to laugh. Because a man getting raped by a woman, well – that is just too funny.
But rape is not funny. Being taken advantage of is not funny. Having to fight off an attacker is not funny. Lack of respect for boundaries is not funny.
Just as we keep telling men, when a woman says no, it means no.
That goes both ways.
So if he says no – stop and apologize immediately.
© Merlyn Gabriel Miller
